Placing your baby for adoption is one of the most personal and courageous decisions you’ll ever make. Along with that decision often comes the question: “What will my relationship with my child and the adoptive family look like after placement?”
That’s where a post-adoption communication plan can help. This plan sets clear expectations for how, when, and in what ways you and the adoptive parents will stay connected. It helps create peace of mind, ensures everyone feels respected, and provides a sense of control during a time that can feel overwhelming.
What is a Post-Adoption Communication Plan?
A post-adoption communication plan is simply an agreement between you and the adoptive parents about ongoing contact after placement.
It can include:
- Photos and letters sent regularly
- Phone calls or video chats
- Updates through email or text
- In-person visits at agreed-upon times
- Guidelines for social media contact
Every plan is different , some birth moms want frequent updates, while others prefer more space. The key is that the plan is shaped around your comfort level and what feels healthy for everyone involved.
Why Boundaries Matter
After placement, emotions can be intense and unpredictable. By setting boundaries from the beginning, you give yourself room to heal while still staying connected in a way that feels right for you.
Clear boundaries also help avoid misunderstandings. For example, if you want photos every three months but the adoptive parents send them once a year, it may lead to hurt feelings. Outlining expectations ahead of time creates clarity and trust on both sides.
Remember: boundaries aren’t walls , they’re guidelines that protect your heart while keeping the relationship healthy.
What to Include in Your Plan
Here are some important things to think through as you create your communication plan:
- Frequency of Updates: How often would you like to hear from the adoptive family? Monthly, quarterly, or just a few times a year?
- Type of Contact: Do you prefer photos and letters, texts, or in-person visits?
- Special Days: Would you like updates on birthdays, holidays, or Mother’s Day?
- Initiating Contact: Who will reach out first , you, the adoptive parents, or both?
- Social Media Boundaries: Are you comfortable with pictures being posted online, or would you prefer privacy?
Writing these details down gives everyone a clear understanding of expectations.
Communicating Your Needs
It can feel intimidating to express what you want, but your voice matters. Be open and honest with the adoptive family about your hopes, but also realistic about what feels manageable.
A few tips:
- Write down your thoughts before the conversation so you feel confident.
- Use “I” statements , for example, “I feel most comfortable with…” instead of “You need to…”
- Lean on your adoption professional to help guide the discussion if you’re nervous.
Plans Can Change Over Time
Life isn’t static, and neither are adoption relationships. What feels right in the first year after placement may change as you and your child grow. Maybe you start with letters and later feel ready for visits. Or maybe you prefer frequent updates at first but then need more space.
A good communication plan leaves room for flexibility. Remember: it’s okay to adjust as your needs evolve.
Caring for Your Heart
Even with a clear plan in place, adoption is an emotional journey. Surround yourself with support , whether it’s counseling, a birth mom support group, or trusted friends who understand what you’re going through.
You don’t have to walk this road alone. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Creating a post-adoption communication plan is about more than logistics , it’s about honoring your voice, protecting your heart, and building a healthy foundation for your relationship with your child’s adoptive family.
Take the time to think through what feels right for you. Be honest about your needs. And know this: you deserve respect, clarity, and the space to heal.
At Unexpected Blessings, we’re here to support you every step of the way , before, during, and long after placement.
